in search of neverland

vaikuse rütmis

2008-10-07T23:29:00.003+03:00

Täna on eikunagimaa iseeneses leitud. Näis kui kauaks seekord, aga kuniks, siis nautigem. Eikunagimaa pole tegelikult kunagi see kõige õigem tundunud. Pigem eikunagimets on olnud otsimiste eesmärgiks. Ja nüüd, plaanides kaugemale ära kolida, eikunagimeri.

Naljakas on selle merega - pole kunagi suur mere inimene olnud. Ajan ikka muudkui oma metsa taga ja valin mujal ööbides võimalusel toa aknast avaneva vaate järgi: kui on puu, siis sobib. Esimene asi koidula koduga oli ju samuti läbi toa aknast välja vaadata ja puud nähes kuulutada, et selle ma võtan. Seejärel ülejäänud elamist uudistades selgus muidugi, et ka rõdu kohal laiutab vaher oma värviliste lehtedega lausa köögi akendessegi. Mida siis veel tahta!?!

Tahaks ehk toredaid korterikaaslasi? Olemas! Koguvad näiteks tualetti põnevat lugemist. Viimaseks pärliks Tätte reisikiri kuskilt. Pole sellega veel eriti kaugele jõudnud, kuid juba on tunne, et peabki väikestes kogustes seda head lugemist tarbima. (olen lausa nii osav tarbija, et tarbin isegi lugemist.... vahvaid mõtteid tarbimisest näiteks http://www.animalssavetheplanet.com).

Reisikirja päris kirjutama ei hakka, aga oma metsaskäigust räägin küll. Esiteks pean tunnistama (vt eelmise lõigu veebiaadressi), et armastan ikka autosõitu. Eriti siis, kui kellegi teise hilinemine vabandab peaaegu et iseenda jaoks mitte-päris-reeglite-järgi-sõidustiili... Teiseks hindan oma lähedaste suhtumist mu metsaarmastusse ning sellest tulenevaid kutseid mängima autojuhti pigem sellistesse kantidesse, kus mul päriselt hea on olla. Nagu tänane Raudsillal käik. Kuigi jõgi ja minupikkused nõgesed seadsis omad piirangud mu liikumisvabadusele, sattusin siiski päris lõbusasse metsaseltskonda. Olles marssinud mõningase maa jõge pidi alla, lõikas lai vesi vallatu kurviga mu tee, kuid avas uue põneva vaate. Teisel pool jõge närisid muru (no tõsiselt...) lambad! Tegu oli üpris suure karjaga ning lisaks traditsioonilistele valgekarvalistele olid esindatud nii tumedamad kui heledamad pruunid toonid ning ka paar päris musta. Viimastest üks uhkete sarvedega oinas, kelle pilk mus lõpuks pisut kõhedust tekitas ja pidin tõdema, et mõnikord on hea, kui distants on kasvõi tehislikult loodud. Minu lemmik oli siiski üks tõmmu tegelane valge villatuustiga otsaees! Küll ma kahtlustasin, et ta oli lihtsalt mõne valgekarvalisega natuke maid jaganud ja selle tulemusena end "võõraste sulgedega ehtinud". Siiski näitas pikaajaline ülejõe-vaatlus, et tegemist ongi blondi pruunikarvalise lambaga :)

Tagasiteel ei suutnud siiski merest mööda sõita ning peale mõningaid seiklusi leidsime endi jaoks päris uue ranna. Pean taaskord tunnistama, et mu pärisoma paradiisil on siiski paar nõrkust, millest üheks on see, et Peipsi põhjarannikul ei looju päike kunagi päris õigesse kohta. Ehk siis selliste loojangute nimel oleksin vist valmis ka soolast merevett omaks pidama.

Õhtuhämaruses jätkan aga oma väikeses eikunagimaa pesas koidulas. maheda küünlahelgiga toas, lambapilvetuustide ja tähepoistega akna taga ning Johnny Deppiga arvutiekraanil filmis Chocolat :P Kuum kakao sai küll otsa, aga film õnneks veel mitte.

Au revoir!

All summer long

2008-09-01T23:15:00.003+03:00

Whoa, it has been some week. Or even some month to be exact. But the week spent in Roosta and then the weekend at my summer house add up to a fantastic way to end the summer. Not that I'd fully agree with the autumn weather outside as it is still warm and sunny in my heart, but still, the 1st of sept has that certain ring to it even if I'm not starting school in any form for a change. This is the first year since 1991 I guess that I'm not involved with any educational organisations. Though I did find an interesting offer in Romania that includes some connections with a high school... I am running out of finances so it would be great to figure things out sometime soon - summer can't last forever!

Still, the week in Roosta was close to a really great summer - there was sunshine and proper rain, I swam in the sea on the 28th of August (my kid sis's b-day!) with waves as crazy as they can be on our shores here, had some sizzling hot sauna accompanied by a dip in the sea again, danced most of the evenings and worked on a fascinating theme of development cooperation during the days, and had my own little adventure the last night there which resulted in sleeping through most of the following day. There certainly are benefits to not being the only driver in the family - I got to sleep all the way to the summer house not having to worry about keeping my eyes open to keep the car on the road.

oh yeah,

2008-08-19T18:39:00.001+03:00

...AND WE'VE GOT A GOLD MEDAL FROM BEIJING!!!

This has been some fine day :)

London skies

2008-08-19T18:30:00.002+03:00

Guess who's going to London tomorrow!!! Whohoooo - I can't believe it! And, what's more, I'm going for a job interview! And as if today hasn't been good enough, there's the night song festival starting in a few hours too. I'm sure it's going to be just grand with 130 choirs registered and so many people planning on coming to sing together the songs that no true Estonian can sing without a tear in their eyes and goosebumps all over... I should go find my camera for this!

Mmmmmeri, mu meri

2008-08-15T21:21:00.001+03:00

It's funny how the word "sea" sounds not far as good as the same word in Estonian (meri). As goes for "wind"(tuul) and "tree"(puu) and "moon"(kuu), all of which rhyme by the way! Tho "lunar eclipse" sounds odd in both languages! But there is still the meaning that truly makes the difference. If you have not seen the raging sea as majestic as anything under the heavens, nor trees bending like grass in the same wind that is moving vast clouds of heavy rain up above, nor the shadow of our own small planet slowly overcoming the reflection of the Sun on our close companion the moon, it really makes no difference which words you would use to try to describe it. Not that seeing all of it helps much, but I guess that's not my task for the day anyways. I just want to express my amasement with nature and how great of an influence it has on our lives if we only dare to explore it! The rush you get from running into the waves that you have just seen breaking on the rocks on the shore, or standing on top of a tower leaning against the wind wondering if it will break off at any minute and allow you to fall as there is nothing to hold on to... Or even just sitting under a tree reading a book listening to the birds singing. For certain things, language makes no difference!

maailmas vaid ilu hoiab mind

2008-08-09T00:24:00.001+03:00

Right, so I thought of something - so I don't need anyone, not even to help me with the car anymore, but it would be nice to have some one for all those things. I like that point of view a lot more.

Walking home yesterday I saw a guy a few meters ahead suddenly stepping away from his group towards a gate nearby. After a few seconds he joined his friends and named the characteristics of a dodge ram he'd seen in the yard. As his friends didn't seem too excited the conversation turned elsewhere, whereas I was glad to have a friend there to keep me back from climbing the fence to see the car close up :D

Well, it wasn't that bad. But after having driven a friends truck, I like the feeling of driving in a tank, above everyone else, and with such power... But now, what I really wanted to share - Viru Folk and Hoven Droven and Käsmu and the sea and the stars and life and love and dance.... Now, you could either put the story together yourself using these key words or I'll still give some more information. Viru Folk is a new folk music festival held in the picturesque seaside village of Käsmu. Hoven Droven is a fantastic Swedish folk rock band that last performed here 9 years ago. It was another folk music festival in the southern part of the country and my first folk fest ever (I was a lot more of a kid 9 years ago!). Viljandi Folk is where I fell in love with HD and the music they make and have missed them since. Until yesterday, when they rocked the slightly smaller but just as enthusiastic crowd once again! I danced like crazy with a stupid smile on my face as a girl would who meets an old but never faded love!

And then the night continued with a groovy DJ who played some proper ska and other great world music. So after the day of great music I had a pair of broken shoes, soar neck and a heart full of joy. It still surprises me what power music holds and how it can just change my world completely! The dark sea and starry August sky only added to the experience. But I still love my summer house more. Nevermind the roof that is still leaking in some places tho we've worked on it more or less for a few weeks now. Once the sauna is finished next summer it will be even better! Life is great, even if it is raining and the temperature is more late autumn than August...

ei ühtegi münti

2008-08-03T12:49:00.003+03:00

Oh seda ilusat Eesti keelt küll. Ja seda ilusat Eesti muusikat, millest ei saa kuidagi küll. Ja ilusaid Eesti inimesi, kellest alati aru ei saa, aga ikka on omad. Ja seda imelist loodust, mida pole kuskil mujal maailmas! Ja Eesti suvi - väike aga tubli :) Kodu on ikka kodu, olgu see muu maailm kui ilus tahes!

the world's a better place when it's upside down

2008-08-01T02:21:00.003+03:00

Four days and the house still stands... Or so it was when I left today. Although I quite enjoyed trying out the profession I don't suppose it's entirely my thing. Tho, you'll never know. The plans for next year are uncertain enough to allow space for some vocational training instead!

Touched down sometime after noon on Monday last. Fed up with asphalt, cars and pollution, head out for my summer house 4 hours later after a quick lunch with M (the ice coffees fell rather short after Starbucks' frappes! tho better than the ice+coffee of Lisbon...). Clearly expected to have a fire in the fire place, a warm meal and cheerful family waiting for me after my long journeys. mhmh, of course... Found part of the roof torn down, piles of wood around the house and my mom and sis hanging somewhere in between the roof and the ground sawing and hammering away. So much for my chill out holiday (resting from my holiday...) on the beach reading books and sun bathing!

Apparently there had been a guy around at first helping to tear things down, but it was three ladies doing all the rest of the work. Basically, if I can build a house on my own, what's the use of men all together? I don't need anyone to drive me around or buy me stuff; at least some tools are mastered and, as said, the house still stands... I'd say electricity is something I might have trouble with, but considering that I fixed a plug by myself just today, the list of reasons is growing shorter and shorter. Would at some point like to have a dad for my kids, but I have yet to witness more fine examples of that male 'profession' to weigh against the failures I keep witnessing. I mean, what's the use of making babies if you turn around and die on them? Or turn around and treat them like crap? Or decide you don't really like the mom any more and leave?

Oh well, as long as everybody has fun at some point, right! And there are still those who find it strange how unwillingly I really trust people.

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou

2008-07-23T23:20:00.003+03:00

Ahhhh, Vienna! Majestic, mysterious, magnificent, mmmmmm.... I must say, the delicious coffee cocktail I just finished contributed greatly to my amusement with this place! Not that it has been raining since last night... And I mean literally since - I haven't spotted a moment today that has been rain-free. I hope it finishes at least by Saturday's flea market :P At least I have my priorities straight :P

Yesterday eve was spent in the mountains admiring the breath taking sunset view over the city and neighboring mountains. I wish I had downloaded the pics we took to share. Well, they'll be up in FB sooner or later anyways. As FB is of course LIFE. And we took some properly cute FB fitting pics! When we had time btw dancing while waiting for the bus that never came, or trespassing at a vineyard... At least the downward journey was great as a taxi driver offered us a free ride down. The girls didn't really trust him, but as I promised to protect them with my scary teacher-looks, they agreed to get in. Ohhhh what a ride it was! Down the narrow winding roads with a local as the driver.... talk about chills down the spine! It could have only been better if the car had been the MG I had taken pics of previously!!!
And then, as we finally got home, soaked and starving, Ele was there waiting for us with a hot and delicious dinner! prettttttiness!

Not a great town for shoe shopping though. I obviously had no proper shoes for this 14 degree weather so had to shop. Finally found a pair that will probably go up for grabs once back home... Almost bought a fancy looking suitcase at a second hand place. That ended in a bit of a drama as an old saleswoman lady was certain I must buy some things that I eventually didn't really want. well, I did, but as the whole thing turned out kinda weird, I just really wanted to leave. She ran out after us though... Oddness. A video of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou was one of the things. A must see for everyone with no exceptions!!!!

Aight, time to go see if the girls saved me some cheeeeese!

iseenda hullumaja puhveti koristaja

2008-07-22T13:52:00.002+03:00

L6puks ometi Viinis. Belgia l6ppes nukralt, kuigi kokkuv6ttes oli v2ga kift aeg Flandria metsades myttamiste, tuvitoitmiste, automuuseumide, kirbukate ja toredate inimestega. Mul on nyyd p2ris oma Soome s6ber. Elab kyll Inglismaal, aga ikkagi. Ehk j6uan nii veel kunagi Soomeski 2ra k2idud. Kuigi l2hiaegadeks piisab vist kyll suuremast reisimisest. Kui siis ainult pikemaks ajaks mujale. Sain oma magistri kursuse hinna teada... nyyd vaja v6imalikud rahastusallikad tuvastada ja loota, et 6nnestub kulude katteks piisavalt tulusid leida.

Lissabonis oli selline Kuru-igatsus peal. ainult ookean aitas h2dast v2lja. k2isin yhel 66sel nimelt esimest korda elus ooekanis ujumas. Uhhhhh, kui soolane!!! ma ju ikka mageveekala oma Peipsi-22rsete suvedega. Aga lained olid p2222ris v2gevad. Kuigi jah, pean tunnistama, et j22n siiski ootama tormiseid ilmu Kurul, sest sealsete lainetega ei ole ujumsiest juttugi ja t2nu soolamekile ei taha pead eriti vee alla panna ka. Aga uhke oli ikkagi!!! Ylej22nud seltskond leidis kyll, et ma p2ris napakas olen, aga ma sellega harjunud, nii et ei kurvasta sugugi :P V2idetavalt oli vesi kylm olnud, millest ma kyll aru ei saanud. Lihtsalt v6imas oli. Natuke 66vastav ka, kui ikka n2ed seda lainet nagu seina enda ees kasvamas ja ootad, millal ta sulle kaela kukub... V2gev,v2gev siiski.
Peale ookeaniseiklusi tantsisime veel poole 66ni kohalikus rannabaaris. Selline t6eliselt 6dus 6htu m6nusa seltskonna, hea muusika, ookeanimyhina ja t2iskuuvalgusega. Yks spetsialist Shotimaalt k2is meile yksp2ev tarka juttu r22kimas. Teadsime, et tegemist professoriga ylikoolist ja tegija uurijaga. Hea siis, et sisse astus nooruke poisinagla :D No oli kyll 28 aga professori n2gu kyll ei olnud!!! Eriti mitte 66sel rannas valssi tantsides :D:D:D Labajala valssi loomulikult :P Kultuurivahetus ikkagi ;)

H22 kyll, peaks minema linna avastama. Eile 6htul n2gin juba p2ris palju ilusat, aga vaja ju p2evavalgust samuti kasutada. Pealegi, olgem ausad, tuleb v2ike poetuur ette v6tta. Ja siis juba tydrukud oma workshoppidest tagasi ja yheskoos uutele seiklustele! Siin on t6esti hea olla. Armsad inimesed ja iseendas ka j2lle mingi rahu, mida mitu n2dalat taga otsinud. Loodame, et uuesti kaduma ei l2he.

2008-07-10T23:59:00.004+03:00

Hah, Monty Python on tv! Iraque frogs in crunchy frog chocolate :D Yumyummmm... Maybe next year I'll make those as my Christmas treats for friends ;)

I did get to the car museum today! Even my camera lasted until I was mostly done taking pics. There was my favourite Citröen too. Which I later on saw on the street :) While walking in the rain. I came home after the car museum and a long walk along the streets of Brussels with some really nice art nouveau facades. Including one of the most famous (or so my tour guide said) and really groovy looking three storey building which is only four meters wide and was built by the designs of the 22-year-old owner. Imagine creating something this beautiful that a hundred years later people still read about it from books as an important site to see. And it really was breath taking. And what did I do when 22? Finally graduate uni, find something I really liked and then realised it was about the worse thing I could do... What a memorable year! Though, not to be unjust, I did buy shoes that year that have served me so well and only after a too long walk in pouring rain today should I go shopping for replacements! Silver lining :D

I don't have pictures to add of the lovely art nouveau as my camera had died after the hundreds of photos of cars, but I will try to find another part of town tomorrow recommended by my favourite local and then add some visuals too to make the reading a bit easier. Until then another lovely painting on a wall.

After the morning trip I spent two hours in bed with a splitting head ache (so not the way to spend the afternoon in a beautiful city) and then took off to another walk. Started off on the metro actually but as half way on I realised I didn't have my wallet with me I turned back, found it luckily and then set off to a different direction. That was to find the water. Which I did. Not only the way intended even... Meaning, I found a strip of blue on the town map and as it seemed rather close to the house, wanted to see it. A bit too sterile with the high brick walls to surround it, but smelled nice. Unlike rivers or canals in large cities usually. Or maybe it was the downpour that gave it a nice fresh scent... It really was a lot of water coming down from the sky, but still a nice walk! So once home made myself a ginger-lemon-honey tea, a fruit salad and danced around the kitchen making them :) There are benefits to being alone in the house. Tho the company has been so great thus far that it is difficult not to miss.

Right, as I am planning a trip to the flea market in the morning, I should probably head to bed soon. Perhaps it wasn't the most productive of days in terms of untangling the mess I've become, but at least I am confirmed of the following facts about me: I like food, Monty Python, cars, dancing and rain. Not too many hints for the future, but definitely better than nothing!

it has been a while

2008-07-10T11:35:00.002+03:00

morning in very rainy brussels. my logic of the weather getting warmer when flying south has failed me once again. at least it's a good enough reason to go do some shopping. for a winter coat for example! just saw a mouse on the wall. a drawn one. I like the walls here. I am sitting on a sofa under a bridge in what used to be an alleyway. quite amusing.

so, the tour around europe: started on sunday the 6th of july. took a flight to riga in the morning and on to brussels in the evening. it was the national song and dance festival opening in riga. the town was filled with people wearing their traditional costumes and wild flowers. I managed to avoid most of the festivities and enjoy the silence of sunday in the city. a "few" pics of houses, some good for drawing.
got to brussels around seven and managed to get lost in south station... still felt good to be here. but left the next day to spend hours playing a board game which didn't end up as bad as would have been expected as it was a war game of strategies. strategies being something I am not that strong in. as can be seen from my trip planning. or rather the un-planning of it. I hope to still make my way to the British isles sometime soon as well, but it is starting to seem rather dubious unfortunately. at least I will be off soon to the car museum and am really hoping I will actually get there.

has been a somewhat of an unexpected start to the journey, but I have been very well taken care of so I can't complain. time to go and get lost in brussels now! would be great to find that piece of me that seems to have been lost for a while. am starting to get rather annoyed with myself for the recent attitude. let's see if I'll manage to lose the attitude and find what needs to be found.

pärlipüüdja

2008-06-29T04:09:00.002+03:00

It's 4 in the morning and I'm still up! Those of you who have not had to get up at six for nine months, do not get to question what is so special about that :D

I have not giggled as much as I did today for a long time. It was a fantastic random night out with three fantastic young ladies, who all happen to be (or have been) teachers! A fact, which got two of them in a bit of a peculiar situation...

Having agreed upon meeting the team of Noored Kooli for a party next Thursday, one of us decided the day is too far and we should start sooner. So once back from the conclusions and ending event of the first year we hit the new (to us) club 360. It didn't take long until the peculiar occurred - the bouncer suddenly asked N if she worked in this-or-that school and it turned out he was a senior in the same school!!! How random is that? I have met mine in clubs too, but not as workers...

The music was odd, and I forgot to ask for Pärlipüüdja, tho I don't really understand how can you have a party with hits from the 70s, 80s and 90s and not play Pärlipüüdja. Not being estonian would be the only excuse which the DJ didn't seem to have. But we still got plenty of music out of him to dance to and go absolutely wild :D

It is amusing following the patterns you see in all of the clubs, tho all in all it is usually just too depressing. However, we did find a guy who just danced with a few different girls during the night, but didn't feel the need to try and possess any of them. A nice change considering the rest of them. And to be honest, no wonder we, Estonian girls, have the reputation that we do... Sad!

Anyways, the guys, the music, the drinks (tho non-alcoholic for me) or something else made the environment perfect for an enormous amount of giggling and face-making etc! It was a great ending to a great ending day. The after party of the after party :P

But now, I will bid you good night, wish you good morning or a pleasant day!

Say what you need to say

2008-06-25T23:46:00.000+03:00

Life is too short not to live it. It is too beautiful not to enjoy. It is too precious to waste.

Spent Monday morning in a swamp near my summer house. The sun rising through to mist rising from the little lakes. The cobwebs glittering with the dew. The silence and peacefulness of the wild. It all made up beautifully for not being able to spend midsummer's with friends and family.

The WHO European Ministerial Conference has been fascinating. I did a bit of networking today! I'm so proud of myself :) Wish I could get everything done that has been waiting in line, but this job has taken up a lot of time. It has, however, been fulfilling in ways I couldn't imagine when I started it. There's such a different perspective on life that one does not see in Estonia too often. I need to get away and make it a part of me before I can come back and be really happy here.
Not that there aren't fantastic people here and that I was unhappy, but I know there is something else that I need to feel and process and let myself change. Can't wait for the 6th of July!

A part of me is hoping that whatever it is I am looking for is not somewhere else, but somewhere right here, under my nose. But I suppose it takes a different view point to be able to see it, if it really is here. Though, then again, perhaps it's not here and if I don't go now, I might never find out. This past year changed me in many ways and not all towards the worse. Maybe this is the determination I was looking for all along. Perhaps the reasons are not all that important, but it's about getting a move on and seeing whether the place I end up at will get to greet a happier me. Or say good bye to one some day.

Anyways, loads of work to be done and need some rest too before another hectic, but hopefully fascinating day!

...like a love heart carved on a tree...

2008-06-18T23:06:00.004+03:00

The sixth toe has given up on me. Guess I'm not Latvian enough. I'm not complaining. Still looks a bit rainbow-like, but until it doesn't hurt it should be fine. A but bruised otherwise though. Again. It really shouldn't come as a surprise anymore but for some reason it still does. Oh well. You can't blame a girl for hoping. Tad annoying still. Freakin' Houdini wannabes...

It's still a great summer! There was a fantastic thunder storm yesterday. I was too lazy to go to the sea, tho it only lasted for a little while so it would probably have been over by the time I had made my way to the beach. It was still glorious! Just about as fabulous as I looked on my night out :P

The Lady of the Camelias is nice. Old and romantic. The way I like 'em...

sauna incident

2008-06-15T00:50:00.000+03:00

Mmmmmmidnight coffee-cake snack :P It is sooooo yummie and no, I am not too concerned about this not being the first blog beginning with food! We already ate all the coffee-chocolate coffee beans from on top of the cake with Gerd. So not good for me, but I figured I deserve something good after realising I am turning Latvian and growing a sixth toe! The other possibility is that I was bitten by some extra furious ant while I was lying on my back outside in the rain with the raindrops disappearing from my skin as soon as they touch it as it was that hot from the sauna. But I'm going with the first option and will maybe have to move to Latvia in autumn instead of all the other options...

Well, where ever I end up, at least I'll be the only six-toed Estonian! Unless it decides to stop growing overnight. And as it is rather late and the internet connection here isn't one of the friendliest I've met it might be a good idea to say good night and start working on my fantastic looking hairdo for the morning after going to bed with undried hair!

Witch's Promise

2008-06-11T23:26:00.002+03:00

And I'm going to Lisbon aswell! How good is this day!!!! As if things weren't perfect already, it now started raining :) I'm not sure the Belgian monarchs are too happy about that, but then again, it's late enough for them to be nicely tucked in dreaming about beautiful Estonia and all those fascinating things they've seen so far. I wonder if anyone took them to Kopli...

Fascination

2008-06-11T22:28:00.004+03:00

This is what I get for trying to have a social life - loads and loads of undone homework that I have about no time to finish before the exams! I could of course be doing them now, but I am just exhausted and all together think that it should be obvious how smart I am and no hw should be required at all!!! Anyways, still have to do them and will start soon. Just afterI have mentioned what a fantastic day I've had!

It started off earlier than planned, after 4 hrs of sleep, which gave me a chance to get some hw done. Then, was only 10 min late to a meeting with our new PR kinda person, who turned out to be pretty fantastic and we chatted for an hour about apyn and HIV and it was really fascinating. Then, got something done in Viimsi, which was mostly chatting with T and then looting a colleague's classroom for materials to use tmrw. Then had a delicious lunch at the same colleague's with sushi, pasta and rhubarb pie! (yummmmmmy) And theeeennnn, drove to our very own office flea market which resulted in coming back with about the same amount of things I took there, but all new and funky! Before I left, found out that I'm going to Brussels again to talk moooore about HIV/aids and and and... Even the drive back home was all smiley and happy :)

I like being happy even tho there are soooo many things to do and so little energy and motivation. Should try this happiness thing more often...

That's the Way

2008-06-11T02:30:00.004+03:00

Up at three in the morning... Loving those nights and getting back into the routine that actually works - late to bed, not so early to rise! How else would I know for sure that it really doesn't get dark at all around midsummer's? And aren't those nights just glorious! There was a proper shower on the way to E's, but it has cleared up nicely by now and I do somewhat miss someone to take me out on midnight walks.

I am loving my new dress (or both of them really) and met someone today who has more shoes than me! And I can proudly say that I am taking two dresses, some shoes and some other stuff to the ENL Kirbukas tmrw to find new owners for them. I went through my jewelry but only to find some old favourites and realise I am not ready to give them up just yet. I admit to having too many things. I should go backpacking to see how little I can actually manage with. Tho I'm not sure I'd last more than a week on only a backpack full of stuff. Being too comfortable and safe can be hindering. Would be great to know if my Brussels-Lisbon-Vienna plan will work out. That would mean a few weeks on a single suitcase. I suppose that is a challenge enough for me now!

I remember now why I haven't been very good at this blogging thing - I miss real conversations with real people too much! Even a comment here and there makes me happier than blogging for just myself. The thought of writing to no one at all is a bit sad. Internet is great, FB is great, Orkut is great, MSN is great, but real people and real conversations spiced with real emotions and real expressions and real humour are so much greater!

Right, time for bed, busy day tmrw. Don't even want to think about the approaching exams! I hate having to miss a family outing because of those. At least I should be all finished with them by the WHO conference, which is certainly a good thing.

Thick as a Brick

2008-06-09T20:35:00.003+03:00

Buckwheat with mozzarella, tomatoes and thyme - yumyumyummmm. It would've been basil instead of thyme, both of which my flatmate is growing on the balcony, but I only have permission to occasionally plunder the second. This is one of the reasons I wouldn't mind living in the countryside - being able to grow my own food (not that I would actually manage that, but it's the thought that counts, right?).

So, back from another fantastic weekend, this time in Southern Estonia. I feel so detached from all work (except painting the house and babysitting, which are so far from the usual meaning of the word in my case). I spent hours on FB today, answering stupid questions and feeling even dumber for doing it. It just seems so difficult to start with all the things that need doing. Should probably start with the clothes in the washing machine that need hanging, but am too lazy for that!

I finished another book - Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. It was surprising and somehow recognisable at the same time. I wonder if all kids are somewhat autistic at some point, or was it just me? Perhaps I am just finding excuses for my insufficient social skills...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuAtVm--mTg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orACIBjHuI4
I'm so glad there are more and more British artists gaining popularity in Est, singing with beautiful accents. Wish I could hear that one charming mixture of so many different influences again. Funny, the things one manages to miss.

Bobs, action plans and bikes

2008-06-05T21:28:00.007+03:00

Uuuhhh, I hope there are no hidden cameras in the office yet. I just danced a bit :) I really need to find a place to dance properly - even those 3 minutes showed how out of shape I am. Well, at least heading out to do some clubbing in a little while. There are some Brazilians playing at Clazz tonight. And the single release party of Külalised. Music is odd. There is such magic to it that even if you for some reason do not believe in fairies and elves then you still must admit that there is some inexplicable mystery in the world and if not hidden anywhere else, then in music undoubtedly. Tho I must say I haven't quite taken to the magic of his Bobness Mr Dylan. not that I'm not truly grateful to my dear sis and her fantastic fella for organising everything for me and to T for looking out for me in the crowds. I guess there are times to discover certain artists and this was not the time for me and Bob. Who knows, maybe one day... The guys got me reallllly exited tho speaking about Zep's possible concert which turned out to be Def Leopard instead. Disappointing, but what can you do.

I realised today that I have met Dorian Gray! It remains to be seen if this is a good thing or rather not, but at least now I know.

Bicycle - not that great of a means of transportation. It is odd how something you have wholeheartedly believed to be a good thing causes you so much concern! Not considering the times I have been late to meetings because something or other has needed my attention on the bike, but falling over more than once is really not acceptable! Today's wasn't as bad as the first, but it wasn't much fun either. I wish I could figure out whether I am staying in Tallinn next year or not, so I'd know whether to buy a proper fancy-prancy vehicle. And what's with these new places presenting themselves so appealing now??? It's all fascinating and such, but a little determination would be nice! Just wish I knew where that determination lies. This is what I'll do with my old bike: (The pic taken in Belgium btw... oh, the randomness of life!)

One goal for life finally set. Whohooo... Too bad it's not something you could write an action plan for. Tho I guess some people do. Then again, some people are really strange. But, as said somewhere in facebook I suppose - I am stranger than most, so I should know all about the action plans of such matters...

Ooooh, spent loads of money on books yesterday! Have my very own BaT now! Haven't started with it yet, resorted to the one I promised to return at some point (wouldn't mind that point being rather sooner than later...) Anyways, it made me happy! Tho should not collect too many before moving somewhere as A so correctly warned me...

home

2008-06-04T11:47:00.006+03:00

A bit of photo evidence to go with the last post. So you wouldn't be tempted to think it is all in my head. Which of course it still could be. And there's no way you could tell! I could've just downloaded the pic from the web. The only way you would know if you have been there yourself. And in case you haven't, what exactly are you waiting for? Should you get there when I am not there myself, be sure to greet my granny! She is rather friendly and cooks the best rhubarb pie and the best rhubarb juice thingy.

Kuru

2008-06-04T10:30:00.004+03:00

Right, so, write in English... reading in English is a lot easier. "The language of Shakespeare and Dickens". Not intimidating at all! I actually thought of writing an English entry when sitting on the balcony of my summer house, listening to the waves crashing on the beach in the distance. Every now and then I had to lift my eyes from the book in my hands and follow the path of the wind coming through the maples and bird cherries bringing with it the soft snow fall of white petals through the slightly fragranced air. Even if I continued reading, I could at once tell when the wind got to the pine trees as the sound shifted from a more intense sough to a rustling of a different nature.

Out of all the places in the world, this must be the closest to heaven. It's not so much the comfort of the place (I still wish I would come across someone to come a build a sauna next to the house!), but rather the ever presence of it. It has been there for as long as I can remember and except for a few teenage years, it has been my haven for all summers. Whether coming from the most beautiful trip or from any sorrow, there is that one place that never lets me leave without adding to my joy or erasing all sadness. Too bad I couldn't get away throughout the last year... One day I will winter proof the house! But until I have, I will spend as much of my summers there, reading a book in a hammock between the pine trees by day and counting the stars or writing down my own little stories next to the fire place by night. And always take someone with me to the beach to remind me to move about so as to not get horribly sun burnt so that three days later my back would still be sore!!! Volunteers are welcome :)

As said, much better at reading than writing, but here you go, dear English-speaking friends, finally something for you to comment on.

Recent book recommendations: Zadie Smith's On Beauty, Richard Brautigan's In Watermelon Sugar, Yann Martel's Life of Pi (Thanks to the owners!)

hommikused jalutuskäigud...

2008-04-11T16:36:00.002+03:00

... on mõnusad. isegi, kui nad on pigem trammile ja edasi trollile jooksmised, et õigeks ajaks arstile jõuda. tore, kui juhtub nii, et ühel päeval järgmiseks hommikuks arstile aja saab ning juhtumisi ei peagi tööl olema samal ajal! ülikooli õnnestus küll tunnike hiljaks jääda, aga sellest ei saa õnneks maailm otsa. hea oleks ikka selline töökoht, mis võimaldaks mõnusaid hommikuid ja päevasel ajal ka muid toimetusi. samas on tore, kui tee ääres rohelist tuld oodates lehvitavad möödasõitvad rollerijuhid, kes juhtumisi mu õpilased on...

Üle kuu aja tagasi sai eelnev kirja pandud. Meenus aga alles täna samuti arsti juurest tulles. Lootust on veel :)

Gerdile

2008-04-09T21:25:00.002+03:00

nonäedsasiis, töötabki! saaks sama minu kohta öelda... a mis seal ikka - kuniks on kallid juhatusekaaslased ja muidu toredad ENLikad, kes aitavad töid parandada, siis saab ju ikka hakkama. ja nagu ma koguaeg olen arvanud - tundide ettevalmistused on kõrgelt ülehinnatud :P
kinus käisin täna, Kuubast vaatasin filmi ja tuli tahtmine ennast selle riigi ajalooga kurssi viia. That's a first! Mina ja ajalugu... memmele olen igaljuhul pettumuse valmistanud. Aga vähemasti kirjutasin talle Stuttgarti kunstimuuseumist kirja. see istub küll kuskil teiste saatmata kaartide vahel, aga vähemasti on olemas. ja kui saadetud ei saa, on jällegi rohkem ajendit külla sõita. aga ikkagi tahaks aega lugeda raamatuid, mille järgi parajasti isu on, mitte ainult 5-minuti raamatuid, sest rohkemaks ei ole aega. no mis seal ikka. vähemasti on mul uued rohelised saapad, milleks oli täna õhtul isegi piisavalt talvine ilm. kui oleks veel sobivas toonis pontiac, siis ilmselt olekski elu täiuslik...