On sadness

I’m sad. Sad because I’m feeling lonely. So maybe this one should be called “on loneliness”. We’ll see. I don’t really want to call it that tho. Maybe it has to do with relatability. I don’t want anyone in a relationship dismissing this one as a random single person rant. Here’s why.

K has been gone a few days so it’s just me at the flat. And I’ve been trying to set up a date with this guy that I like. Trying and failing. Which makes me fall in love with my job that is so flexible, but it also makes me sad. Sad that I don’t get to share random things that happen during the day with someone over dinner. Or cuddle up. Or cook for. Or have brunch with.

But that’s a key thing: I’m feeling lonely. I’m not lonely. And the feeling of loneliness that I have today is a whole lot different compared to the loneliness I felt in a relationship. When I technically had all those things I miss today. But didn’t really feel at home. Which was no fault of the person I was in a relationship with. But now, being in a relationship with me, I get the difference. I’m at home. And happy, even when a bit sad. Because I’m at home.